Helga without the H

Sit down and get comfy for a Very Long and Very Boring Saga!

Earlier this year, I moved 5 blocks up the street.

I went to the Virginia DMV website to update my address.

The last time I used the Virginia DMV website was, apparently, several years ago.

The Virginia DMV website forces you to change your password periodically. If your password has expired or you can’t remember it, you click to request a temporary pin that gets emailed to you.

I entered my email address, and was informed that my current email address is not associated with this account. No, instead, my account is associated with an old email address that no longer exists. Which means I have no way of receiving a pin to reset my password to get in.

Clicking on “Login Help” directs you to call the general DMV phone number.

The general DMV phone number is busy. There is not a menu to direct you to IT. There is no hold music. There is no getting placed on a list and waiting to get called back. There IS a cheerful message telling you that you can do most DMV tasks online. And there is a message telling you that if you’re having trouble logging in to your online account, you should “follow the prompts” that ask you to enter pins and passwords.

If you go to the Contact Us section of the DMV website, you are told that you can do most things online, you can look at FAQs (the answer to most Qs is “you can do this online”, and you can call the general DMV phone number, which is of course still busy and directs you to do everything online.

After several attempts at jumping through these hoops and trying desperately to find another way to contact somebody, I decided to give up on the online thing for now and just try to get my address changed.

I figured I’ll make an appointment to go to the DMV in person. The next available appointment is months away!

Next plan: Contact Us has a mailing address where you can physically mail in paper forms. I printed the change of address form and mailed it in.

Then I waited. And waited. And waited. And received no new license or any other confirmation in the mail.

Fast forward to this week, with an election coming up very soon. I couldn’t check the DMV website to see if I the address change had gone through. But I could check my voter registration! Online records show the old address. A call to my local voting office confirmed the old address, and walked me through what I need to know in order to still vote legally.

I checked the Virginia DMV website for appointments, thinking this is just ridiculous. But you can only book appointments for specific services, none of which are “update mailing and/or email address.” The DMV does now offer walk-in service, though! But only on certain days of the week. So I had to wait until the next Tuesday (which is today).

This morning I woke up early and arrived 5 minutes before opening and was greeted with a 50+ person deep line that literally wrapped around the building.

It was a 30 minute wait just to get permitted inside the door.

Then some more waiting to get to the desk to give you your number so you can start officially waiting.

Then official seated waiting.

I told the DMV staffer that I need to update my address, AND I explained the predicament with online services not working due to the temporary pin being sent to an old email address. She handled all the address stuff easy peasy, then handed me a physical piece of paper with my new temporary pin.

Huzzah! The whole visit took 90 minutes start to finish, so not too bad!

Got home, went to DMV website…. entered my awesome new temporary pin, and was prompted to create a new password with requirements so convuluted and crazy and specific that I have zero change of ever remembering what it is. But no matter, cuz upon creating this terrible password…

IT SENT THE PASSWORD VALIDATION TO THE OLD EMAIL ADDRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I literally screamed at my computer and had a giant meltdown. Vented to my husband, who suggested I should “just call someone.” (hahahahaha!!!! If only it were so simple!)

Then I started calling again. All operators busy.

Hang up. Redial. All operators busy.

Hang up. Redial. Operators busy.

Over and over and over and over again for an hour. Then break for a work meeting. Then pick up where I left off and continue to redial over and over and over and over and over again until…

There’s suddenly a slightly different recording! Similar enough that I almost hung up automatically, but thankfully didn’t. This recording eventually reached a MENU! Made my menu selection.

Waited on hold, listening to repeated recordings telling me how I can easily just do everything online.

Finally got a human being. She reset my email address in about 10 seconds. Stayed on the line while I logged in.

IT WORKED! I almost cried with joy and called her my hero. She didn’t seem to share my sense of triumph.

Lesson learned: If you ever change email addresses, for the love of all that is holy on this planet, DO NOT FORGET to update it with the DMV!!! They are NOT playing!