Helga without the H

Almost every year I attempt (with varying degrees of success) to watch as many Oscar nominees as possible before the ceremony. I post half-assed reviews here on my blog, and then at the end I write up some sort of silly analysis, predictions, reactions, etc. The quantity and quality depends entirely on how much time and energy I have each year, and I’m not gonna lie, this year’s already starting pretty dang rough! But let’s see how it goes. Today we turn to:

Emilia Pérez

[13 nominations for best picture, actress [insert name], supporting actress [insert name], director, adapted screenplay, cinematography, editing, makeup/hair, sound, original score, song (x2), international feature]

The Golden Globes were last week , and I’ve decided to try to get a jump-start on this year’s Oscar binge by catching some likely nominees early. Emilia Pérez seemed like a solid choice, because it had a whopping 6 Golden Globe nominations in major categories (director, screenplay, musical/comedy film, actress, and 2 supporting actresses) and the coveted big win for best film. Plus it was free on Netflix. Fingers crossed that it has Oscar nominations, or I’m about to waste my own time…

I was very curious about this film when I first heard about it. Some foreign flick that was kicking Wicked’s ass sounded like it had a lot of promise. It was touted as, supposedly, something completely new and different; something ovation-worthy. On the flip side, I heard after the film’s stellar results at the Golden Globes, that some people (particularly trans and Mexican people) hated the film. Now I was even more curious; where would I land on the spectrum? I’m disappointed to say that I am one of the haters. I just can’t for the life of me understand where the nominations and awards are coming from for this one.

This movie was very dumb. Did it have potential? Yeah, I think so. The basic premise is interesting enough; a drug lord undergoes a sex change without telling his family, but tries to secretly stay in their lives. Those are some potentially heavy themes right there. But the film doesn’t treat any of its subject matter with the seriousness and nuance it deserves. Honestly, the story felt like it was written by a middle schooler who is learning about the world for the first time, but doesn’t quite understand any of it enough yet to piece it together in a competent or coherent way. There used to be an animated show called “Home Movies” where a group of children make home movies (go figure.) They try to mimic the style and tone of various Hollywood films, but they’re too young and stupid to really understand what they’re doing. That’s what this movie felt like. Some cis white male French fuck decided to create a Mexican trans musical without consulting any Mexicans or trans people, or even, apparently, hiring lead actresses who can speak Spanish.

The story was not remotely fleshed out. It oversimplified everything it touched. It had very stupid and unforgettable music. It also made no sense plot-wise. In our film, our drug lord suddenly becomes a model member of society who regrets all of her previous crimes once she becomes a woman. She doesn’t just change her sex, she changes her entire personality. Now she’s a woman, which means suddenly she’s sweet and non-violent? Huh? That’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works! She’s the same dang person! Can a person grow and change and eventually regret their past? Sure, of course! Would that happen like someone flipped a switch the second their genitalia was changed? No, of course not.

What WAS good? I don’t speak Spanish, and so I cannot comment on how convincing any of the actresses’ accents were. But beyond that, the performers all did pretty well with the complete garbage script they were given. Was a single character remotely fleshed-out? Nope. Not at all. But that’s the script’s fault.

Anyway, this movie’s awards buzz was controversial enough that I’m very, very curious to see if/how it ends up doing with the Oscar nominations. I hope it gets nominated for something so that I didn’t write this review in vein. But it had better not win a goshdarn thing.