Helga without the H

After catching most of the debate last night, I’ve come to the conclusion that the two participants most qualified to become president are:

1) John Kasich, who stands no chance of winning because he’s rational and experienced and uses legitimate on-topic facts instead of resorting to random insults against Rosie O’Donnell as a debate tactic, and

2) Megyn Kelly, who has no chance of winning because she is not an actual candidate.

I’ve also learned that somewhere in Republican Debate School everyone was apparently taught that the key to winning is making sure that everyone thinks your had the shittiest upbringing.