Facebook Post: September 4, 2018

Seeing everyone posting their kids’ first day of school photos makes me kinda miss the first day of school, when you get to pick out your new outfit and supplies and get all pumped for a fresh start. We need an adult version of this. Once a year all the adults get to post a photo of themselves on the driveway with a cute new lunchbox and a Lisa Frank Trapper-keeper tucked into their messenger bag. And when you get to work you walk around the halls nervously holding your schedule (covered in stickers) and find your new desk and meet the new people you’ll be sitting next to that year. And your new boss has written their name on a fresh clean whiteboard surrounded by Far Side cartoons pertaining to whatever kind of work you do, and when the bell sounds (I guess there’s a bell?) the new boss tells you what will be expected of you that year and all the fun work projects you’ll get to work on, then you play cheesy icebreaker games until lunch, when everyone wanders down to the Au Bon Pain at the same time and you try desperately to find a cool table to sit with, where you’ll regale your new friends with lies about all the amazingly cool stuff you did over the summer weekends and about your fake summer boyfriend who you met on a rafting trip but you guys wouldn’t know him cuz he goes to a different work, and when the first big Work Homecoming Dance comes along and your coworkers ask if he’ll be coming to the dance since people are allowed to bring people from other works you’ll say oh his family moved to Canada.

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